This entry is for all of you that I have given me guidance, advice or simply just yelled at me in the last few weeks. I did hear what you were saying, I was just too stubborn to do things my way...........................surprise surprise on that one.
A smile is back on my face today. Yesterday, for the first time in about four weeks I finally felt like myself again. I had energy, I could talk (well kind of), and just felt like I was normal again. It is amazing when you are off how much your life is impacted by it. I am happy to be back and you can say I learned a huge lesson about my body and how much I can push it.
I kept saying that I needed slow down a little and limit what I was doing. I wrote in an earlier blog that I needed to start to put priorities on what I wanted to do since I could not do it all. This was great on paper but in reality, I kept going, wanting to get everything in, not wanting to miss a workout, night out or getting behind at work. In my head I knew I should slow down.....but I kept going. Ok, I will say it, sometimes I think that I have a 'Superwoman' persona, that I can do everything and get through anything I put my mind to. My body will catch up to me sometime. It took me breaking down a little to realize what was going on.
I ignored the signs in the last few weeks I was getting sick. And....oh the signs were there: I partially lost my voice for over three and half weeks, I picked up a cold, I had everyone from my co-workers, classmates, friends, and family tell me - take a rest/slow down, I went home early from work, and I even got on the wrong train and headed to Newark instead of Secaucus one day.
Throughout the last few weeks I kept thinking, I will get better tomorrow. My body is strong, tough, and I have the power to push through being sick. Two things with this: 1. In the back of my mind, I had the fear that if I stopped doing what I was doing, I would get behind on where I was fitness wise. There is still an unsureness in me that I truly will be able to complete the Half Ironman. I am not sure if it is because of the unknown or me being cautious but the only thing that pushes this thought out of my head is knowing that I am at least training hard enough so if I do not finish, I will know I did the best I could - preparing myself the best way I could. 2. I think that sometimes I am afraid to give up or the fear to know that I did give up. Stopping to rest to me was giving up. I know that this should be not the right thing to think but to me....I wanted to push through, I did not want to use being sick as an excuse to stop what I was doing.
It took me lying on my parents couch last weekend for three days when the weather was gorgeous outside and all I wanted to do is be outside doing something, to realize - be smarter, work smarter, live smarter. I read all the articles on 'Training Smarter' when I first started to think about doing the tri and thought that this was common sense. I was smart enough to realize when I needed a break, I would never get to the point of breakdown. Then I got caught up with my routine, my thoughts, and the fear that I needed to keep going in order to prepare myself for what I had chosen to do and I fell into the bucket of 'Training Dummy'.
And once I decided to slow down, it still took my body more than a week and half to start to get back to normal. I took off a total of four days last week and slowed my activity this week, skipping parts of my workouts, went to more doctors than I seen in more than a year, went on two sets of meds, went on voice rest (well tried) for two days, and made sure that I was eating healthy more than ever. With all of that it still took 10 days til I felt myself. Great reward for not listening to my body in the first place.
So, next time I start to cough, my nose runs, or if I just don't feel up to par for that day.....I know that I need to check in with my body and ask - do you really need to push yourself. One day of rest is not going to hurt me. What will hurt me is to keep going, thinking that as 'Superwoman', you will get through this.
A smile is back on my face today. Yesterday, for the first time in about four weeks I finally felt like myself again. I had energy, I could talk (well kind of), and just felt like I was normal again. It is amazing when you are off how much your life is impacted by it. I am happy to be back and you can say I learned a huge lesson about my body and how much I can push it.
I kept saying that I needed slow down a little and limit what I was doing. I wrote in an earlier blog that I needed to start to put priorities on what I wanted to do since I could not do it all. This was great on paper but in reality, I kept going, wanting to get everything in, not wanting to miss a workout, night out or getting behind at work. In my head I knew I should slow down.....but I kept going. Ok, I will say it, sometimes I think that I have a 'Superwoman' persona, that I can do everything and get through anything I put my mind to. My body will catch up to me sometime. It took me breaking down a little to realize what was going on.
I ignored the signs in the last few weeks I was getting sick. And....oh the signs were there: I partially lost my voice for over three and half weeks, I picked up a cold, I had everyone from my co-workers, classmates, friends, and family tell me - take a rest/slow down, I went home early from work, and I even got on the wrong train and headed to Newark instead of Secaucus one day.
Throughout the last few weeks I kept thinking, I will get better tomorrow. My body is strong, tough, and I have the power to push through being sick. Two things with this: 1. In the back of my mind, I had the fear that if I stopped doing what I was doing, I would get behind on where I was fitness wise. There is still an unsureness in me that I truly will be able to complete the Half Ironman. I am not sure if it is because of the unknown or me being cautious but the only thing that pushes this thought out of my head is knowing that I am at least training hard enough so if I do not finish, I will know I did the best I could - preparing myself the best way I could. 2. I think that sometimes I am afraid to give up or the fear to know that I did give up. Stopping to rest to me was giving up. I know that this should be not the right thing to think but to me....I wanted to push through, I did not want to use being sick as an excuse to stop what I was doing.
It took me lying on my parents couch last weekend for three days when the weather was gorgeous outside and all I wanted to do is be outside doing something, to realize - be smarter, work smarter, live smarter. I read all the articles on 'Training Smarter' when I first started to think about doing the tri and thought that this was common sense. I was smart enough to realize when I needed a break, I would never get to the point of breakdown. Then I got caught up with my routine, my thoughts, and the fear that I needed to keep going in order to prepare myself for what I had chosen to do and I fell into the bucket of 'Training Dummy'.
And once I decided to slow down, it still took my body more than a week and half to start to get back to normal. I took off a total of four days last week and slowed my activity this week, skipping parts of my workouts, went to more doctors than I seen in more than a year, went on two sets of meds, went on voice rest (well tried) for two days, and made sure that I was eating healthy more than ever. With all of that it still took 10 days til I felt myself. Great reward for not listening to my body in the first place.
So, next time I start to cough, my nose runs, or if I just don't feel up to par for that day.....I know that I need to check in with my body and ask - do you really need to push yourself. One day of rest is not going to hurt me. What will hurt me is to keep going, thinking that as 'Superwoman', you will get through this.
Isn't it amazing how your body tells you "SLOW DOWN!!!!" or "something's wrong!!!" It's fascinating that our bodies know us better than our minds.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're finally feeling better. I'm with you on the wanting to do everything. You can sleep when you're dead, right? But I guess you can't do anything if you're dead :)
good luck in the Half-marathon tomorrow (Sunday, April 3) in Central Park. I am sure you will do well. Go Becca!!!
ReplyDelete