What the heck is happening to me?

This is my post from last week that some how never made it up yet.

Not sure what is happening to me but my structure has gone completely out the window in the last few months.  The rigid life that I have always been used to has changed to take it day by day.  Partly because I have way too many things that I have taken on at once and partly because the last few weeks have been the most stressful few weeks that I have ever gone(still going) through. Trying to juggle everything perfectly in my life has been a struggle.  I have replaced my nicely laid out plans to how quickly can I react.  I have learned I cannot control everything and what will be will be.  Basically I have been closing my eyes and saying things will work out, things will get better.      And I have leaned on some of you more than ever for support, guidance, and sometimes asking you to react quickly with me......to that, I say thank you.  

I do not know when this all started to change but I realized on Friday how much things were changing.   Last weekend was my travel weekend from hell.   I had a baby shower in Plymouth, MA Saturday noon, a wedding in Middletown, CT at 7pm, and wanted to be back in Ridgewood by 10 on Sunday to do a long brick.     I had a freaking blast going to all these things but I spent more time in the car then I actually did with my friends......14 hours.  (hit major traffic on way up ).

So, when I woke up on Friday, you would think that I would get my packed bags, presents, dress and get in my car and go.  Ha ha.....I woke up early with no present, no dress yet to wear and nothing ready except the coffee maker.  I had not thought through where I was changing for the wedding and did not know where I was sleeping Saturday night since my niece was sick.   I did try to go and get a present/dress on Wed afternoon but between PT and the Corporate Challenge, I ran out of time.

I did have a little plan, go to the gym, get a gift, head out at 12 and get a dress in Newport before we went out.  Notice my priority.....gym!  This is actually one area in my life with pretty much complete consistency.  (yeah I know, that is pretty f$cked up).     Pretty stupid to think I could actually do this way my life was going.

I made it to the gym, a little later than expected, hit Buy Buy Baby and packed everything, getting in the car 2 hours late.  As a result, sat in 6.5 hours of traffic on 95 and learned that it is not smart to do a long, hard bike ride before sitting that long. It sucks to see a sign stating: Warning 20 miles of traffic ahead.    My legs were killing me the whole trip.  There were points where I contemplated getting out and walking.

By the time I got to Providence, it was 8:15 so I skipped Newport and headed directly to Bristol where I downed a glass of wine the second I got in the door.   That went right to my head....and Cat/Mags could not believe how good of a mood I was in after all that.  :-)    We ended up at dinner at 8:55 and the kitchen closed at 9:00.  Thankfully they served us....I would have been bummed if not,  it is my favorite place to go when I head to RI.    Back at Cat's I luckily fit into one of her dresses.  So.....Friday midnight I had two things down, only two more to figure out.

On my way to Plymouth in the morning I called my friend Chris to see if I could get ready in his room.  Got the go ahead there. Thank god for him!  Went to the shower, helped Cat with her presents, and jetted out at 2 to make it to Middletown by 5. Stopped to pick up shoes which I seemed to forget to pack.    On my way I spoke to my sister who not only said it was ok to stay but asked if I would babysit my nephew on Sunday morning   The only reason I wanted to stay at her house was because it was only an hour to Ridgewood so I could make it home early on Sunday.  But - how could I say no. 

What I did not realize was that Middletown was an hour and half from Wilton where she lives.  So...by the time I got home it was 2:30 and I was up at 6:45 watching Caleb.  So much for trying to catch up on my sleep on the weekends.  I ended up leaving at 9:30 and got home at 11:00 to quickly go food shopping and pick up Lauren at the train.

Tired and a little cranky I still wanted to do our trek.  With the late start the plans for the large 50 mile bike and 8 mile run was changed to 30 mile bike ride and 6 mile run.   To make matters worse, when I brought my bike out, the tire was flat and I had to change it. It was the first time either of us had to change a tire, and using YouTube - it took a freaking hour.  So it was 1:30 by the time we started and the plans changed again to 25 mile bike ride and we will see how far we can run.  Lauren was not feeling super hot.   I was actually impressed that we went at all.  It was hot and sunny out and really all I wanted to do was sit on my porch, have a glass of wine, and close my eyes.    The end result was a 25 mile bike and 5 mile run.

Finally at 7:00 when I started to make my weekly lunch of kale and tomatos did I feel like I had control again.

I am starting to look forward to the weekends where I will not have to think about a bike ride or run and where structure will again rule or at least be present.   I am not sure how many more weekends of craziness or my idea of being out of control I can take.  It is fun once in a while and it is teaching me to relax more but having this as the norm would drive me crazy.    Though this has been fun, I am not sure that the Half distance is something that I would want to do again.  It takes a lot to train for...or may I say, for me to train for since I want to make sure that I will be ready but I have no clue what 'ready' is.      Only a few more weeks to ago...and then hopefully I will slowly start to become myself again.